Grandma went to Heaven …and I’m soooo jealous!!!!

In my last post “Gone Fishing” I explained I needed to take time out to take care of some personal matters. Well I’m back home in Lafayette and I must admit it feels like I’m visiting. The last month was very rough . See , I wasn’t the one who had “gone fishing” my grandma was, and she’s never coming back. I’ve been in New Orleans for almost a month and it was a very heart breaking,uplifting, sorrowful wonderful, experience. Joan and I went on our first walk together tonight in a month . I have to say I missed her more than I thought which is more than I can say for my teenagers. I didn’t seek to meet anyone on this journey I am to busy trying to recover from the last one. Instead I just thought about the last few weeks and the time I spent with my Grandmother . Death is a part of life that fascinates me and haunts me at the same time. I have no fear of death, I’m not afraid to die partly because I know where I’m going and to be honest I’m kind of looking forward to it. I mean to be free of this mean, wicked, wretched , cruel world and go to a place  where I’ll be able to wrap my arms around Jesus and hug Him tight ,to never hurt in any way, to be happy forever,to see all the people you love and to stand in the very presence of God, I mean really who wouldn’t look forward to that. The purpose of walking JoanJett was to connect with people and talk to people I normally wouldn’t talk to but while I was in new Orleans I had the opportunity to reconnect and connect with people I have known my whole life. I come from a very large family . My Grandma had 8 brothers and sisters , 8 children, 17 grandchildren and 26 great-grandchildren. When she came home from the hospital she went under Hospice care. During the day she had visitors and her children who had to work stayed with her n the evening and we all rotated staying with her at night by her bedside. What touched me but didn’t surprise me was that she was never alone. Someone was always at her bedside. So with a big family coming in and out for 8 days was hectic and testy at times but for the most part never boring, highly entertaining , and even touching. I learned some things about my mother and her siblings. They are catty and bossy, some are invisible, some in a world all their own and I mean that in  a very endearing way. I mean how many people do you know  can say their are people in their lives that they want to strangle and hug all at the same time. It was a very trying time for everyone. It’s not easy letting go of a person who has been there your whole life and been nothing but wonderful . As the days went on Grandma was getting weaker and weaker. I could see  life slowly creeping away from her. We fed her and when we couldn’t feed her we tried giving her something to drink and when she could no longer drink from a cup we gave her some coke in a syringe to wash down her medicine.We turned her from one side to the other periodically so she would be comfortable until it came to a point that turning her didn’t matter anymore. As far as I was concerned she had been gone long before her body found out she left. Her little lungs where struggling to catch up with her very strong heart and she was only taking shallow breaths. Wednesday night no one wanted to go home but as it got later everyone begin to kiss her goodbye and leave. It was Uncle Dan , Aunt Ann ,my mom and myself left. My mom and Aunt Ann went to bed and Uncle Dan was on one side of her holding her hand and I was on the other side laying in her recliner with my hand rubbing her back. We woke up twice to give her some medicine and then around 4:30 her breathing was getting more and more shallow. It was a familiar sight because Ann, Dan And myself stayed up with my Grandpa the night before he died. There we were again the three of us watching and waiting. we prayed that Jesus would take her and end her suffering. We woke up my mom and called everyone. Than we waited and watched as she took her last breath and it was the most peaceful feeling I ever felt. What power there is in peace that it even comes in death, not only to the recipient but to all who loved her. That is the mercy and grace of God, that peace was a gift.  I said in my Eulogy  that “To be there at the end of ones life who has been there since the beginning of yours is an honor”. I also feel it was a gift from God that He loved me so much that He allowed me to share this moment with her children. All her children where sad but peaceful. They all know what a blessing it is to have had your mother for so long. Not too many grandchildren can say they had their grandmother for 40 years either. I will have good memories of this last month with my family cousins ,aunts and great aunts ,uncles and great uncles ,first and second cousins etc. My Grandma was all about family we meant everything to her and she was everything to us. Once again she brought people together reminding us of the importance of keeping our relationships. I pray we honor her legacy by keeping her traditions maybe even starting some new ones of our own.What she wanted most of all was for us to love one another  and follow the example she worked so diligently  to set for us. Its funny how when someone dies all their insignificant stuff suddenly becomes very significant. Their toothbrush, pillow, hairbrush, things that we see everyday. We miss them  because we can no longer see them and touch them. We hold on to there stuff because we can touch it, smell it, hold it in our hands.But one day it will be ok to let go of her “things” and just keep our beautiful memories that will never fade or go away. I am jealous though, when I get sad I think about all the things she is seeing and hearing and smelling and tasting and doing. I picture my Grandpa sitting on a bench waiting for her arrival seeing her and saying “Wee you ok “. Except this time he isn’t asking her, he’s telling her.